“Too much beer is just enough.”
Homer

“Two things are infinite : the universe and human stupidity;”
Mark Twain

“Patience isn't a virtue, it's a waste of time.”
Garfield

“the word “abstemious” contains all vowels in order.”
Useless Information

“Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like an apple.”
Truism

“I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food I eat it. ”
Homer

“Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep. ”
Observation

“The more you run over a possum, the flatter it gets. ”
Observation